Surrender The Shovel

So one of the things I have been learning in my new season is there is a time to surrender. This is not an easy thing for me and goes against every fiber in my being. Surrender is unthinkable for me, but God has shown me there is a time and place for it. There was a time even he surrendered. He surrendered to God’s will and went to the cross for us. There is a lot to be leaned by this love, and I am still learning from it.

I am a fiery female with a spirt that is full of might, strength, and willing to fight to the end before giving up. One of my greatest strengths is I don’t quit, I am a champion of trying, and I’m willing to battle my way through.

I have always had this fire and fight, even when I was young. One of the funniest stories I tell is about when I was eight years old. I got in my mind I could help everyone, and myself, if  I fought the devil with a pair of sticks and a shovel. Lol ,don’t ask me why I thought I could do this, I have no idea, but I totally believed I could, and I went on a quest to find him. When talking with one of my friends about my idea they said they where sure I could find him in the middle of the earth. I rounded up my sweet brother, who was always by my side, and my poor neighborhood friends to join my great adventure. For the most part, we always stuck together over summer break and saving the world sounded much more fun than kick ball. We hunted some shovels and asked Mrs. M, my neighbor, for permission to dig a hole behind her garage. After she gave the green light we began digging. We worked on this hole for days, it was so deep we had to get a chair to help us get out, and even then had to stand on the very top of the chair to hoist us out. I was so sure we had nearly reached the middle of the earth on day three, I found two sticks and made a cross with them, and as my friends dug, I stood at the top of the giant hole. The plan was when the devil jumped out, I would jump on top of him and kill him with the cross by touching him with it. Lol, clearly I watched too many vampire movies, and as a side-note, I no longer believe in any of this stuff!  It was on this day Mrs. M, who by the way was a very sweet lady, walked around her garage to see what we were doing. Well, lets just say she was not happy, and she even slipped out a few words that I can not repeat. She had underestimated what a hole was to us, and found her entire yard  behind her garage dug up. At the time I could not understand what the big deal was, she said we could dig a hole, and it was for a good cause. I mean, after all, we were trying to rid the world of evil. It took us the rest of the week to try and put her yard back together. Of course, I later understood if I really wanted to fight evil I needed to bring light and good into the world. I often wish it was as easy as digging a hole!  I now know my true battle is with my own heart, and how I live life.

By learning to be brave and love is a fight of a lifetime. No greater light can be brought into the world than by loving. I am talking about the truest acts of love, when love is patient, and kind/ Love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful,  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. I have not even come close to mastering it, but my fiery heart will keep trying until I take my last breath.My brother and I when we where young.

The moment I had to put my shovel aside and surrender was a very hard time for me. I laid in bed that night not understanding why I had to stop and surrender my worthy cause. Clearly Mrs. M was in the right, and knew much more than I did, but I did not understand.  In my current season, I still find myself struggling with this whole surrender thing.

You see, ever since I was young I knew I would grow up to help kids. I have been doing just that for 23 years, and had a pretty sweet gig helping teenagers get through the rough parts of life and helping them find their way in this crazy world we live in. In just one day, my world was shook by a door closing, and what I had been doing the entirety of my adult life changed. This transition has brought me to where I am now. It’s why you see me making art, and writing a blog. I keep hearing God tell me to surrender to what he is doing in me, and to lay aside what I once did.  Just like the little girl that surrendered her shovel, I find myself still wanting to cling to what was familiar in my life. However, I have learned to trust God even when I don’t understand him. Just like when I was young and saw a much bigger picture later in life. There is a time to fight but there is also a time to surrender.

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